tender mercies

yesterday, i found out that someone i love very much has stage three ovarian cancer. the shock that i felt was tremendous. as she told me it literally felt like someone was sucking the air out of my body. i felt so incredibly helpless as to what to say to try and console her. what does one say to make cancer better??

i consider myself to be a pretty spiritual person who believes that everything happens for a reason. but sometimes that reason is so hard to understand. and i found myself questioning the fairness of this diagnosis. why her?? why?? hasn't she gone through enough already in this life? she has seen more heartache and had more physical challenges in her less than 40 years than most people see in a lifetime. and if recovery is not part of her "plan" how are her two little girls supposed to go on without her??? these are the things that i pondered all afternoon.

later, on my way to work this little voice inside my head said to me "you need to stop and get some candy". there is a little candy store inside the mall that i pass on my way to work and i have been known to stop in occasionally. but yesterday i didn't really feel like candy. so i told the little voice no. then as i was walking in it spoke to me again so i decided to just go ahead and get some because otherwise i would be thinking about it all night.

there was only one lady working and i was the only customer. she asked me how my day was and instantly the voice said "tell her".

"no way" i told the voice. "i am not telling some strange lady my story". i should probably state that i am not crazy. i promise. i do not usually argue with myself or have voices that speak to me on a regular basis. promptly after telling the voice no it spoke even louder "tell her". so i did. i told her how heartbroken i was because of the diagnosis someone close to me had received. she looked at me and said " you go home and tell her that you spoke to someone tonight that had stage 4 ovarian cancer. had surgery, a complete hysterectomy and chemotherapy. twenty nine years later i am cancer free". she then went on to tell me some different herbal teas to recommend that helped her combat the side effects of chemo. i simply looked at her with tears streaming down my face. i was so overwhelmed. seeing the emotion she said simply "he sent you to me today. because you needed to hear my story".

yes!! yes!! i did need to hear her story. i needed the affirmation that my prayers were being heard. i needed to know that my heavenly father is mind full of me and my loved ones. that he knows what we are going through. just when you think that he doesn't hear you he is right there! he reached out to me and i almost missed it. i almost missed it because i tried to ignore, tried to fight the promptings of the still small voice. and i would have never heard the message he was trying to send me. "be still and know that i am god."

i know that this is a very personal story and some of you might be wondering why i would share it in such a public format. the answer is this; we are so quick to share stories of what goes wrong in our lives, the silly things that happen. the things that really won't make a difference in a month or two. why then should we keep the moments that really speak to us private. my hope is that someone else will find some inspiration from this story. maybe they feel that the phone lines have been cutt and that no one is on the other end. but i can promise you, the lines are not down. he is there and he is listening and he knows you. he knows the concerns of your heart. we just have to be willing to hear.

Why I Wish I Was Better At Photo Journalism

Last weekend, we went skiing/snowboarding together as a family for the first time.

In fact the only person in our family that has ever skied before is Larry.

Somehow, we left with no pictures at all of anyone on a ski or snowboard.

Why you might ask??

Because I am terrible at capturing the moment with a camera.

I take pictures before, but then think that preceding pictures will magically take themselves.

So while there are no pictures at all to prove it, we did in fact ski and snowboard.

We had a great time.

Larry loved getting back on the slopes.

I discovered that snowboarding is not for me. And will be eternally grateful to our friends for letting me borrowing their butt pads. It made my repeated falls bearable.

Brendan insisted on snowboarding rather than skiing. He loved it and wants to try again

Bella is a natural with skies attached to her feet. Her first run down the slope she didn't even wait for our friend that was helping her to get her snowboard clipped.

Brooke liked it as long as she didn't fall without her gloves on. And when she did, well let's just say I'm surprised she didn't cause an avalanche.

Lily really liked it but was not pleased that she couldn't just hop on a lift and go down the big hill.

With that said - enjoy the few pictures that we did manage to take

The kids outside the condo before we started the adventure
Brooke tubing

Lil's was meant to ride in a tube flying down the mountain

Brooke taking a spill but amazingly no tears accompanied it

Bell's spinning down the hill.

And no, there are not any pictures of Brendan tubing due to the level of soreness from his die hard snowboarding attempts the day before.

When You Are Frozen In Your House This Is The Soup You Want!!

Creamy Chicken And Wild Rice Soup

chicken breasts 2-3
7 c water
1 1/3 cup uncooked wild rice
1 c chopped celery
1 c chopped onion
2 Tbs vegetable oil\or evoo
1 c sliced fresh mushrooms
2 Tbs chicken bouillon granules
3\4 t pepper (white pepper if you have it)
1\2 t salt
1\2 c margarine
3\4 c flour
4 c milk
3\4 c cooking white wine

cook rice according to package directions. place chicken in water and bring to a boil. simmer until chicken is no longer pink. meanwhile in a large pot cook celery, onion and mushrooms until tender. add rice, broth from chicken, bouillon, pepper and salt. simmer uncovered for 15 minutes. melt margarine in medium saucepan. stir in the flour until smooth. whisk in milk and cook till bubbly and thick. add some broth mixture to the milk mixture and continue to whisk. then add all the milk mixture to the broth mixture. add the chicken and white wine. cook for 15 mins.

Heaven in a bowl I promise :)

Crested Butte

Our friends the Fox's come to Co frequently to vacation in Crested Butte

Usually we manage to squeeze in a dinner or a couple of days hanging out at our place.

This year we were able to go up to C.B. with them.
Knowing that it was going to be a super fast trip we debated about whether or not it was worth going.
It the end we decided that a little time with them was better than none and we packed everyone up and headed out.
And we were SO glad that we did!
We had such a fantastic time.

It was great to hang out with them and catch up.
We have been friends since before there were any little Hahl's and little Fox's running around.
It only takes a few minutes together to remember how much we love being with them.
They are such great people.
I feel honored to be able to call them my friends :)

(Emma and I at the start of the trip)

The main event was a fourwheeling trip up to Tin Cup.
Riding Tin Cup was on Larry's bucket list so he was really excited to be able to check it off.
Personally I had no idea what I was getting into.


( Everyone pretending to be blown off the top. See the elevation sign - I have never ridden to that elevation before)

Usually when we ride we do short little trails and as a family we can't go out all at the same time.
I was expecting a similar ride this time.
I was completely wrong.


(Some random dog decided to pose with us)
Everyone loaded up, I rode with Lily and since Larry's atv is larger and he has mad skills he rode with Bella and Brooke.
And Brendan headed out on the little atv.
We rode, and we rode and we rode some more.
By the time we were done we rode around 32 miles.

(our F.B.F.F.'s Hunter, Emma, Matt and Caleb)
Part of it was on an actual dirt road and the rest was up rocky switchbacks.
And on some of the switchbacks the shoulder was very narrow.
It was a little bit scary.

(one of the mountain top views)
After we reached the top of the mountain we continued on another couple of miles to some property Matt's brother owns.
The trail to it was terrifying.
I was pretty certain I was going to roll the atv and die.
Larry kept telling me that I was going to be fine.
It looked worse than it was yadda yadda yadda.

(the other side of the mountain)
And while it was scary, and I DID almost run off the trail, in the end I made it!
When we got to to the property it was so windy.
Larry actually leaned into the wind trying to fall forward and the wind held him up.
It was crazy!
(The town church in Tin Cup. So quaint)
What a great ride!
The memories the kids are going to have from that trip!

So thanks Fox's for letting us hang.
We are looking forward to next year's vacation with ya all!

my alarm clock is possessed!!

seriously.

i am not even kidding.

i think it needs an exorcist.

do they have exorcist's for inanimate objects??

here is what is going on.

yesterday morning, the alarm went off and i started getting ready for church.

after being up for an HOUR, i went downstairs and discovered that it was a hour earlier than what the alarm said.

i figured that lily had somehow messed with it and changed the time.

last night, we went to bed.

larry asked me if i changed the time back, which i did.

it went off this morning.

i got ready, came downstairs only to find that once again

IT'S AN HOUR EARLIER THAN WHAT MY ALARM CLOCK SAYS!!

what the heck is going on??

why.... why.....why does it keep changing itself!!

so much for the ultra cool alarm clock that larry was so excited to give me.

i don't care if it tells me what the temperature is outside.

and talks to me in this really cool voice.

it's dead to me.

LOST - the final installment

The show that has captivated us for the last 6 years has come to an end.
But how do you celebrate the ending of something that you have invested so much time into??
Why throw a little party that's how!

Die Hard LOST fans only!

Once you pass through the hatch the fun begins!

The infamous smoke monster paid us a visit.
I was worried that he didn't get his invitation.

Charlie's last message.
Oh the tears I shed when that message was delivered!

Our Dharma issued beverages


Lots of tropical food!
(some of the food items are missing)

The LOST cake

Beach, Crashed Airplane, Jungle and Temple

It even had a golden center to represent the "light" of the island

You can't have a party without guests.

And I just have to say that we have the best friends ever!

All our favorite LOST characters attended!

Crazy Rousseau

Kate frantically punching in the magic numbers.

Keeping everything in balance

Sawyer

(kendria insisted on being sawyer! i didn't make her!)

I don't think we really settled on an identity

Jack

(I really, really wanted to draw on Jack's tattoos but didn't have time)

Shannon and Jacob

(I think Drew intended to be someone else, but he looks just like Jacob)

Sun was in attendance as well but missed her photo opp.

Thanks so much guys for celebrating the end with us!

And for going along with our crazy themed party.

As for the finale.

I don't think I can even begin to sum up my feelings.

For me, it was extremely emotional.

So much so that days later when I would think of it I would get a little teary.

I didn't love the way it ended.

In fact, at first I was really mad; and sad.

But what I did love about it was that in the end they were all together.

They were all happy.

And the finale reminded me how much I had grown to love all the characters.

If I had to sum it all up I would say that it was about finding yourself, redemption and faith.

I have a lot more to say about the show and my philosophy but let's be honest;

Who is really going to read all that??

So I will sign off with a thanks.

Thanks for 6 years of gripping, soul searching tv.

I shed some serious tears throughout this series.

And I loved every single minute of it!

Except for killing Jin and Sun

That was a sucker punch

lil's new do

WELL~ Isn't that special!

wonder how long that's going to take to grow

end of the season

the 2009-2010 Colorado Children's Chorale season is officially over.

when we started this adventure late last summer we really didn't know what to expect.

bella and her school/chorale friend, we carpooled every week

couldn't have done it without these guys!

we knew it would be a huge time commitment

bells and i outside Boettcher Hall
spring concert

we knew Bella would love every second of it



performing Small Miracles at the Colorado Heights University

and we hoped that she would do well
Brendan and Bells
he really was a proud big brother on this day


in the end, all of these things were realized.
and now, we are ready for the summer break!

Happy Birthday Brooke!! (April 8)

Every year when it's time to celebrate birthday's I am amazed at how fast the kids are growing.
The time between when I was holding them as infants and today is like a whirlwind, yet it seems like only yesterday.
This year Brooke turned 6
Her birthday fell on a Thursday and we were packed with Achievement Days and Scouts.
So on her actual birthday we had a simple family party of pizza and homemade cake.
Then I took her to Target to spend some birthday money

Here is the delicious chocolate cake with cheesecake pudding for filling.
It was heavenly

A couple of weeks after her birthday we had a skating party

It was so much fun

At the beginning many of the kids couldn't skate

But by the end they were all doing really well

The birthday girl with her second birthday cake

It was a little chaotic but I would recommend a skating party to everyone

The kids absolutely had a ball!

Hope your birthday was great Brooke!

We love you so much!

date with daughtry

Those of you that know me well, know that I haven't watched American Idol in years. Those of you that don't may be asking yourself ~ Why?? How can you not watch AI?

Well I can answer that question for you in a name: Chris Daughtry.

I was a huge, can't miss a single episode full blown AI addict season 5.

And then something crazy happened.

Chris was voted off.

I was so outraged.

He was clearly the most talented singer BY FAR that season.

So I vowed then that I would never again find myself manipulated and let down by that show. And I knew that we hadn't heard the last of Chris.

I knew that fame would find him.

And now, roughly 4 years later, his fame has come.

And what of the winner from season 5? Taylor Hicks?

What exactly is he doing these days?

Apparently he is still making music but has anyone heard it??

That's what I thought.

SO~ being the huge, and I do mean HUGE

Daughtry fan that I am, I have been dying to attend a concert.

He was in Denver a few months ago at the Gothic and I really wanted to go but it was a Sunday so I thought I would be good and not go :)

Have to set a good example for the young women ya know.

Then I heard he was going to be in Broomfield and I really wanted to go but thought it was too far to go in the middle of the week. Totally gives away my age I know.

But then the other day I was in the car and one of the local stations was giving away Daughtry tickets.

About a week or so before this I just so happened to program the stations number into my cell phone cause they are always giving away cool things.

I had a story that fit in with what they were looking for so I started dialing.

It took many, many times to get through but finally I did.

And I WON!

ME! Who never wins anything!

I couldn't believe it was real.

I was sure when I went to pick up the tickets they were going to tell me that there was some mistake. But it was true, they were really mine and last night was the show.

And it was AWESOME!

The first band that played was CAVO. I have nothing to say about them honestly. They were really bad.
And I felt like I had traveled back in time to the late 80's early 90's.
When the drummer ripped off his shirt I was a little worried that we were going to have some Red Hot Chili Pepper's action goin on.
But thankfully it was just him.
And it was just his shirt.
Not his pants replaced with a tube sock.

I want to apologize in advance for the crumy pics.
My camera does not take far away shots well at all.
Next up was Skillet
We had never heard of them but immediately it was obvious that we were one of the few that hadn't.
Everyone started going crazy!
Clearly, they have a fairly large following.
If I had to sum Skillet up in one word that word would be ANGRY
Their music sounds very, very angry.
Even the "Love Ballad" ~ their words not mine, sounded angry. However, I like angry.
And then something crazy happened.
That angry band started talking about Jesus.
In an introduction to a song about suicide, the lead singer starts talking about his hero, Jesus Christ and how he makes it so that we are never alone.
And that we can reach out to him anytime, anywhere and he will hear you.
Well I'll be.
The angry band is really a Christian Rock Band!
Who knew??
Apparently everyone but us.
So in the end, we decided that we really liked Skillet and that on a cd they are probably great and not quite so angry sounding.
Oh!
And Russell Brand moonlights as their soundboard operator. I kid you not!
They could have been twins.

Finally after what seemed like forever Daughtry took the stage.
And rocked the house!
It was an awesome show.
That man has some serious pipes. Even if he couldn't breathe because of the altitude.
And he's pretty easy on the eyes as well. Not that we could really see but ya know.
His hotness is the same whether I can fully appreciate the view or not.

His encore was fabulous.

Why people rush out of the building in hopes to clear out the parking lot before the masses descend and miss the encore is beyond me. You've already invested a couple hours, why not another 20 mins?

So I say adieu to Daughtry.

Until we meet again, I remain your devoted and loyal fan.

Keep on Rockin!!!

This - This is why I can't get anything done

frequently, at the end of the day i find myself wondering where the day went and why i don't feel like anything was accomplished.

the laundry still needs to be folded.

the floors need to be swept for the fourth time of the day.

dishes waiting to be put in the dishwasher or taken out and put in the cabinets.

you know - the really fun stuff that we love to do. and yet, while all this stuff is left seemingly undone, i am exhausted.

feeling like a ran a marathon, uphill, in the rain and against the wind.

why am i so tired?

and why don't i get anything that i set out to accomplish done?

well, yesterday was the perfect example of why.

while i was doing laundry lily found these and put one on. she looked super cute so of course i had to take a picture. and then i cleaned up the HUGE mess she made trying to get them out of the cabinet.

and contrary to what the commercials claim, these do not prevent snoring

then, in the afternoon while i was helping bella with her math she did this.

some peanut butter handprints

and in between these there were multiple spills, a few tantrums and several changes of clothing

all in a days work

wasted cookies ;(

the other day i made these awesome cookies.

they were peanut butter sandwich cookies. two moist, chewy cookies with succulent peanut butter creme in the middle.

they really were a little piece of heaven.

this morning, lily was determined to have one. but since it wasn't even 9am i said "No"

after the 3rd time of her getting the container down and carrying it around i told her that if she didn't stay out of them i was going to throw them all away.

wouldn't you know, not even 3 mins later there she is strolling around with the container.

it was one of those moments where i really wanted to over look the problem.

i didn't want to throw away those marvelous cookies that took a serious amount of time to make.

but she left me no choice.

so with her screaming behind me i threw them in the trash

such a waste.... why can't they just listen??

who is cosmo??

lily had to give the closing prayer in primary today. larry helped her but somehow she said

"we are thankful for cosmo"

which caused many to ponder.... who is cosmo?

did we get a new pet?

is she talking about the magazine?

cosmo from fairly odd parents?

the answer:

she was supposed to say "i'm thankful for the GOSPEL"

gospel, cosmo - they sound pretty similar....

when barbie meets lip

it's not a pretty picture

thanks bells for chucking one at me

OH - And we lost our first tooth!!!
But not because of the barbie, the tooth fell out first
And then we accidentially swallowed it.
So dad bought her gum intstead of the tooth fairy giving he money.
Because, the tooth fairy doesn't dig through... well ya know

conversations with my tween

earlier today, larry and i were having a conversation about how adorable one of my friends is. now, i promise you that this is not a normal type of conversation for us to have. i don't even remember what sparked it. BUT as we were talking brendan was sitting at the table doing some homework and i hear his little voice pipe in "I agree with that". larry and i kind of looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and instantly knew that this was one of those opportunities. you see, brendan doesn't really talk about girls very often. so when he happens to be willing to talk, we JUMP at the opportunity. so we asked him what liked about her and then we ran through a few more of my friends to get his opinion. it sounds a little bizarre, but it was a great way for us to get an idea what he thinks makes someone cute. and it also gave us a chance to talk about the important things when choosing someone to date - which completely terrifies me to think about but i know that the day will be here before i know it. and these are all things that we have talked about with him before. but can you even talk about it too much? and usually when we do we talk about girls his own age and he gets super embarrassed. but this was less intimidating to him. he is at the age where i feel like we are standing on the shore of uncharted waters. which course is he going to take to get across and how much influence are we going to have on those decisions? will he make the choices that we want him to make? there are bound to be hard times and tears, but i HOPE that he continues to talk to us about things. and i hope that i can follow my s.i.l.'s advice and just brave the waters the best we can and love him through whatever happens.

and don't even ask me who he thought was cute because i'll never tell!!

budding artist

the high school that our neighborhood is assigned to has an annual

Celebration Of The Arts.

for the celebration they invite students from the elementary schools that feed in to the high school to display art work or perform in a choir. last year brendan was invited to participate in the choir but we had a big snow storm that day and the concert was cancelled ;(

this year bella was invited to display her fish sculpture.

now this isn't just any ol fish sculpture. this is a sculpture that she made with the intention of giving it to her dad for his birthday. so it really meant alot to her that it was picked.

as usual the picture isn't very good because my camera is kinda stinky, but in person it's really impressive. she put a lot of detail into it and it looks really good.
way to go bells!

dad can't wait to put it on the wall of his office!

things that make you go hmmmm......

one of my gifts this year from my m.i.l. was this.

i have to confess that when i opened it i was a bit perplexed.

what is it exactly?

on the surface it looks like a doily.

but it has all these snaps on it.

i talked to my s.i.l. colleen and asked her what it was.

"a really pretty doily. you know what a doily is right?"

well, yes i knew what a doily was but that didn't explain the snaps.

then my m.i.l. called and asked me how i liked the gift.

i told her it was beautiful.

"do you know what it is?"

"why no i do not"

so she explained it to me.

have you already figured it out??

it holds a dozen rolls.

she received one from her s.i.l. a few years ago when they were serving the church in switzerland.

i could have stared at that thing for days and not figured out it's purpose.

i do love the display it creates though.

thanks mom!